i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
