last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
