I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
