Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
