they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I love you.
Bad choice
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
