my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
