Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
