It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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