Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize