He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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