i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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