I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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