I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
