hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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