Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
