My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
