Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
