I'm eating all of the evidence.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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