Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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