i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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