im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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