I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
