I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
