So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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