Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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