The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
