my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
