ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
