I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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