so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
