Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
