Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
