hotel room ftw
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
