and next time when you feel me up, do it right
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
