so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
