i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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