hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
