can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
