There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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