Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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