listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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