is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
