When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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