he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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