Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
