I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
