I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
