This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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