I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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