may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
