He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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