why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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