My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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