The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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