You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
