So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
