There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
