I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
