I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
