Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
