it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A bitchslap is in order.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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