And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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