im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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