Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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